Another day, another domestic violence story….. I have just read about the arrest of a man in Seattle Washington by the name of Graydon Smith. Apparently the 31 year old forced his pregnant 19 year old girlfriend to sign an ‘abuse contract’ allowing him to beat her whenever he wanted, so long as he didn’t punch or kick her belly. As if this case isn’t sad enough, a quick look at online forums and comments pages in the US press, while littered with very occasional comments such as ‘this man should get life in prison’’ mostly from women, the vast majority of posters – male and female - are pouring scorn on the woman. It makes me so desperately sad that so many people still seem to blame a woman for ‘taking’ violence rather than blaming the perpetrators. A selection of comments from Seattle Weekly’s readers confirm my worst fears:
sally sue says:
Sorry but no one can force you to sign anything or stay in a relationship you don't want to be in. People stay in abusive relationships because they are getting something out of them.
Anonymous says:
What is wrong with that woman, accepts such treatment and signs a contract!!!! Told the police, yet stayed in that sickening relationship?
Will says:
If your boyfriend beats you up why why why do you keep going back to him. I will never understand this
Javert says:
The first time you take a beating from your Bf/spouse your a victim, after that you are a volunteer.
Bubba Bafferson says:
I'm so sick and tired of stories like this one. Not the abuse - I am so sick and tired of the idiot "awww, I know he loves me" women who put up with this crap. THEY'RE the truly disgraceful parties in these stories. Hey, scum exist, and sometimes you hook up with one. Beat me once, shame on you. Beat me twice, shame on me. In this day and age, with the resources that exist to help women get the hell out of these relationships, there is absolutley postitively no reason for them to stay. If they do (and this idiot woman obviously did), them well, it's a harsh truth, but natural selection is alive and well. Weak willed "but I know he's sorry" women make me sick. Get the hell out, and move on!!
Christoph says:
I blame him.
And I blame her.
What the hell is she doing in this situation?
You know, ladies, if your boyfriend is a psychopathic violent abuser, you can leave him and find a man who isn't. You can even screw that man instead of the brute unless he's just so darn nice he just doesn't get your juices flowing -- in which case, take care of your needs yourself -- or, if you insist on being with Grade A world class wife-beater, then you know what?
At some point you're going to lose any right to sympathy if you don't walk away.
Paul A'Barge says:
40 yrs ago when I was pregnant, my husband at the time used to beat me. This is just about as low as you can go.
No, there is one step lower.
The woman who marries this kind of mutt.
What bothers me the most is when women themselves buy into this sick argument. I am one of the lucky ones: I have never been in a physically abusive relationship and yes, it is easy for someone like me to say ‘why would a woman stay with a partner that beat her?’ but there are myriad reasons why women do, fear being the main one. Also, with such a dearth of support services available and such a low conviction rate (like all crimes against women depressingly) it can often seem that there is no choice but to stay. In this instance, the woman contacted the police in April to say she had been beaten by Graydon who had threatened to kill her. She also told the police about the contract that she had clearly had to sign under duress (sign this to say I can beat you or… I will beat you). The police called Graydon on the telephone, they didn’t even bother to visit the house. When questioned on the phone Graydon denied hitting her but admitted making her sign the contract. The police did nothing. They only turned up to arrest him 5 weeks later when the girl’s stepfather arrived at the house to see his daughter being choked, her face covered in blood. Perhaps if the police took domestic violence more seriously and women were educated about abuse then we wouldn’t live in a world with such alarming and depressing statistics of women being beaten daily, some to death, by abusive men.
